But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. ( 2 Corinthians 4: 7-9, 13, 15)
Years ago, God rescued me in a supernaturally physical way. He met me in the open field of a campground where I was surrounded by a band of strong, faithful women focused on spreading the gospel to those with veiled faces. After years of running away, it became painfully obvious I could flee no more. It became painfully obvious that God wanted to offer me His treasure.
In that field, I experienced Him in a manner only those present would truly comprehend. It was there that God questioned me; talked to me; helped me understand. There, the lies I had believed for years were dismantled – the lies that told me “I wasn’t enough – beautiful enough, special enough.” Lies that said “No one would ever love me for me; that my life really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things; that my blackness was shameful.” In that field, I had felt the presence of the enemy, but later the overwhelming presence of God. His clear, audible voice said:
“You are redeemed. You are enough. You are beautiful, my beloved daughter.”
And in that space, the unquenchable desire to be baptized emerged; an unquenchable desire to claim Him as my Lord and Savior.
Since then, my heart has experienced the profound and life-changing love of Christ. There have been moments of incredible jubilation, immense gratitude, and inextinguishable hope. There have also been moments of significant doubt, tremendous questioning, and nightly wailing over the difficulties life often presents. I have experienced the torment of spiritual warfare, survival through life-threatening illnesses, and the possibility of losing a loved one in war. I have watched people die in pain, friends suffer throughout horrible situations that no one can explain, and precious children become enslaved by the strongholds of rejection.
Today, having survived these circumstances and after having watched the Lord work and move in the lives of so many, I have become most committed to choosing faith. I have become committed to believing in the power of the most Holy One; the only sinless man to have walked the earth; the only Spirit that empowers me to do the impossible. I have grown in my faith by its testing, the daily reading of the Word, and through authentic fellowship with other godly women. I believe in a more profound way because God continues to meet me in the tensions of my heart and in the spaces where I frequently press into Him and all He promises to provide.
It is my hope that in the sharing of my experiences and questions, you will find a small piece of yourself and a whole lot of Jesus. I pray that my words encourage you, just as the Words of Scripture and those from other believers have encouraged me. I pray that the tensions and conflicts within your heart are eased, and that the Lord meets you here. And while it may not be the open field of a campground (as it initially was for me), it is – nonetheless – a place where the presence of God exists. It is a place where God can choose to do the impossible – if you let Him.
From my faith to yours. May you forever know and walk with Him.
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